9th September’11-11pm
Even though I write all the time but for the first time in my life I’m in loss of words. I bought you today from the Pavilion. Although I love to write dairies it’s still hard for me to be regular. How should I start?
.  .  .  .  .  .  . Um let’s start with intros, well my name’s Yusra Quader but I prefer being called Y. I’m 13 years old and goanna turn 14 on this October 5th. Right now I’m in Malaysia on a vacation with my mum, brother, Granma, My uncle, his wife and their daughter & two sons. We’re staying at the Weatinn hotel .Today was really fun though all we did was shop in the Pavilion. I found a very cool DVD store called speedy. It had a lot of anime. I think I’ll go there tomorrow or the day after that to buy them. The dollars I saved can finally be put to good use. Today we went to Genting highlands. When we got there the adults left us in the amusement park alone & went shopping. I couldn’t go on most of the rides cause of my height phobia & God! Why are there so many Bangladeshi’s here & the guy totally looked Chinese (Malaysian, ok I know it sounds a bit racist but we call all of the Asians outside of the Indian sub-continent Chinese. It’s not cause we’re racist it’s just how we are & I really do respect all those nations) When we got hungry we went to buy some sweet corns but the sales guy was so freakin slow that I called him bastard in Bengali (I know it’s seems like a too much but it’s really common in Bangladesh).When he heard this he raised his head up with delight started telling us all sorts of stuff about him. We weren't interested so we quickly took our sweet corns & left. Afterwards we kept patrolling the whole park till 6pm when the adults came to get us. We visited Addie at her boarding school before coming back.
I wanna write more but I’m very sleepy right now so I guess I’ll go to bed.
Goodnight
I’ll write again tomorrow (hopefully)

 

 

10th September’11-3pm
I don’t know why does she do this to me? & why the hell do I have to follow the stupid society!
It’s not like the society's goanna change itself just cause I don’t like it so why should I change for the society & anyway why the hell am I the one who gets lectured all the time I mean I only wear clothes that I’m comfortable in & there not even reviling plus she tells me to be more like Nameerah (my cousin sister).I wonder what she’d do if she knew that Nameerah has a boyfriend?
Probably tell me to stay away from her especially since it’s something that’ll bring descries to my family (why do I have to act like a perfect princess like my sisters?). My mom tells me that it’s our duty to cover our self’s as Muslims but I know it’s just for the sake of our stupid Bangladeshi society. Why the hell am I even blaming my society for, it’s all those Indian’s who our stupid society follow’s fault!

P.S.
I know I sound a bit racist but in our family racism towards Indians is allowed (only for us kids). And I also know that Indians are not bad people at least not the ones I‘ve met in my life but I still hate India!
    
10th September’11-10pm
Hey! Guess what it’s the second day & I’m still writing so that’s either a good sign or a bad sign. I hope its good sign .After the day I had that’d be nice. Today was probably the freakiest day of my life. And that’s coming out of my mouth so that’s gatta mean somthin’. I haven’t felt this dazed since the time of my father’s accident which was fatal by the way. Me & my dad were very close so imagine me compering that day to today. I really don’t know how to start so I’m just goanna be direct. Today I bought a lot of clothes from a botic but aunt thought that the material wasn’t all that good so she forced me to return them. She wanted me to get a refund and she actually allowed me to go alone. As if that wasn’t weird enough the sales girl started to take the dresses out of the bag like crazy.& at the same time a guy was passing by . He was tall and tan. He had very broad shoulders and spiky black hair. He was wearing a white shirt & a grey vest over it. He was looking for a tux to go with his outfit but the shopkeeper kept insisting that they didn’t have tux that were worthy of being worn by him. I thought that was very strange of the owner to say that about her own product so it caught my attention. Any way why am I even writing about them? Well who cares guess just needed to get it out of my system & now that it out let’s get to the main part. Shortly after that guy left everyone started to act in haste & then suddenly the sales girl grabbed my hand & pulled me to the storage area, she told me to stay put .After that everything happened in almost a heartbeat. The whole shop was on lock down. A few police men were checking for I.D’s. I didn’t have mine so I ran. A police man caught me but thankfully a guy saved me. He kept helping me till the whole crisis was over .Although I’m very grateful I can’t remember his face. When I finally returned I lied to my Uncle & mom I told  them I lost my way but I wonder what would’ve happened if I told them the truth?
I get a chill just thinking about it.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .   

11th September’11-9am
I just finished breakfast and am getting ready. Today we’re going to this amusement park that my Uncle heard was recommended by our travel guide. Its suppose to have like the most beautiful view ever. It’s in the middle of the mountains. Though I’m a naturalist I’m still not that excited about going there. It sounds like it’s one of those places which are in the middle of nowhere.
Hopefully it’s better than it sounds cause we’re heading out right now (fingers crossed).
11th September’11-12pm
We just got here and the place is almost empty except us .There aren't that many rides around here but the view is truly great. The air is fresh & the weather’s great too. My Uncle just got back from his search for a ride. He says there’s a race car-ish thingie & he wants us to try it seeing as there are no other rides. Oh well I guess I’ll try it out then.          
11th September’11-3pm
Ok right now I’m sitting in a diner alone. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true!
Alright this is what happened. After the ride (which was fun btw) we were all hungry & warn out so we found two food joints next door to each other. One was a Caribbean restaurant & the other one was this diner. Everyone wanted to try Caribbean food but I was really tired of all the exotic food I’ve been eating ever since I got here so I wanted to eat some good old fashioned comfort food for a change. Of Corse I had to put up a fight with my mom. I insisted that I’d just order takeout and then come here and eat with everyone else. She still insisted someone go with me but no one wanted to because they were all so hungry plus the smell coming out of the Caribbean wasn’t helping them either so they finally gave in for the first time in my life & I got to come to a food joint alone.
The food here is so cheap that I ordered a lot and now I’m waiting. I’m sitting here in this diner all alone all the other seats are empty. Someone just walked in. Wait! It’s that guy from yesterday the one the shopkeeper insisted was too gorgeous to wear her clothes. He just sat at my table even though all the other tables are empty what a weirdo!
He’s trying to make small take. Wonder what he wants?
Guess I’ll just ignore him. I’ll just go & wait with everyone in the Caribbean joint.   
11th September’11-9pm
Ok now I’m in my room inside our hotel suit stuck in probably the weirdest situation any 13
Year has never faced (at least not in this era).
Well this is how it happened when I tried to leave he grabbed my hand & forced a kiss on me. Even though it was my first kiss I still had no reaction to it (mostly cause I kisses like a million guys in my fantasies & also cause I don’t think it’s that big of a deal).At first he seemed shocked but soon recovered. He smirked and said ‘you could have reacted to it a little you know after all it is your first kiss but I guess if you were that predictable I would’ve never fallen for you in the first place’.
That took me by surprise I mean how did he know that it was my first kiss?
I waned to just jerk his hand off of mine and leave but his grip was strong. He offered me to sit down & talk. Though I didn’t wanna I also didn’t want my mom to see me in this position (which could be seen very clearly through the window) so I sat down. He let go of my hand as soon as I took my seat. He told me to first hear him out. I asked him if I could leave now but he threatened that if I didn’t hear him out he’d not let me leave so I had no choice but to hear him out.
He told me that he saw me escaping the police & knew that I’m the one. I waned to gag when he said he loved me but I somehow controlled myself. Then He told me that his surname was Pavilion but he couldn’t tell me his nick name cause it was the password for all of his father’s business info. He told me that he’s just turned 17 this month. He also gave me useless info like he graduated high school at the age of 13 & that he is now one of the world’s largest business tycoons.
He was impressive but my answer was still no. I knew he wouldn’t just back off if I rejected him so I tried to scare him off. I told him all the crazy stuff about me starting from Uncle J and ending with my mother issues.
Most guys would think that I’m wacked by now but not him. It seemed like he liked my craziness more by the minute so I quickly changed the subject. I told him that I couldn’t possibly date him cause I am only here for a vacation & there’s a very real chance that we might not meet again and that’s when he handed me a cell phone. He said that I could call him from anywhere in the world & he’d be the one paying for it. It was a good idea but I just couldn’t bear the thought of breaking my mom’s trust after all it was the only thing she trusted me in so I returned the phone and told him the reason behind it. After hearing my reasoning he asked if he got my mom’s approval then would I consider dating him. I thought he was joking so I said yeah why not. He seemed content with my answer so I left.
When I got to the Caribbean joint they were all done eating & mad cause I was late. I knew I couldn’t tell them the truth so I did what I do best & lied. I told them that the food was so cheap that I ended up ordering a lot of it. After a thorough examination they noticed that my hands were empty so they questioned me and while I was searching for an excuse someone came from behind me & he was walking towards my mom. It was him!
I waned to stop him like hell but I didn’t know how to do it in front of everyone but the most shocking part was when he opened his mouth. He asked my mom for my hand in marriage. Everyone was shocked including me so no one suspected me of any wrong doing (thank god! And anyway it’s not like I had anything to it).
Everyone hoped it was a joke but they knew he was dead serious & at the midst of despair my Uncle came to my mother’s rescue. He questioned that guy about himself, how he met me & did he even know the meaning of marriage? & other stuff like that.
He very confidently claimed that they couldn’t possibly find a better husband for me.
My Uncle couldn’t react to that & before he could regain his commonsense that guy suggested that we go somewhere private to discuss this matter & we somehow ended up here in our hotel apartment. When we got here the living room was filled with gift boxes fill with branded stuff. He wasn’t lying when he said he was rich. I bet he just waned to show off & buyoff some of my relatives. He got here around 7 pm & they’ve been discussing ever since.
The answer should be clear I mean he’s not even Muslim which is a huge factor is for my family or do they think he’s Muslim?
God! There are so many things that should go wrong but somehow it’s all going smoothly (bet it cause of his smooth-talk). Right now my Uncle just agreed to it & he’s sending that guy to my room because after all it’s my decision to make. Let’s see how this plays out.               
  

11th September’11-11pm  
Alright I said yes.
But only cause he agreed to all of my conditions.
Condition No.1- He had to wait till I turned 32.
Condition No.2- He can’t make this engagement public till I say otherwise.
Condition No.3-He has to fill all of my other criteria (which he did he was rich, lives in America & doesn’t live with his parents)
And was also in my 3 year age limit.
I still don’t know why I even considered it?
Well I guess cause my family likes him quite a bit & Uncle J also sorda wants me to.
After that we exchanged rings which he brought (I have no idea why he was carrying them on him & none the less a matching pair at that). My aunt was impressed by the rings. She informed that they were real platinum but Mr. Pavilion corrected her by telling her that it was a mixture of platinum & titanium for it to last longer & then those two brand lovers started talking about brands.
Now everyone’s eating dinner that Mr. Pavilion ordered from some Chinese restaurant and everyone seems to like it.
This guy is smarter then I gave him credit for. Not only did he completely make everyone overlook the religion question on purpose but he also used his family background to completely win the adults over & is acting like such a polite gentlemen in front of everyone that no one would ever believe me if I told them that he stole a kiss from me this very afternoon. He seems to know his position a little too well.             
I’m very tired now so I guess I’ll take a shower first & then go to bed.
Goodnight sleep tight.

 

 

12th September’11-7am
Good morning.
Even though I waned to sleep some more I couldn’t cause they sometimes play Uncle J’s oh I mean MJ’s songs in the breakfast area.
So let me guess you must be thinking why did I call MJ Uncle J that's because I prefer calling him that cause I really respect him & don’t wanna call him by name but I can’t call him anything other than Uncle cause he’s older then my dad but younger than my dad’s eldest brother & that’s how Uncle J got his name.
You probably think I’m crazy by now cause all this while I’ve been talking about him like a living person even though he’s dead but I kinda have a connection with him (I mean aren't we all kinda connected because of Adam). I can talk to him in my head & he’s a really nice person so I don't know why people treat him so badly.
I know you think I’m wacked and trust me I feel the same a lot of times but I know it’s real. It’s hard for me to have such a strong faith sometimes cause I personally like proof with things but just cause I can’t see something it doesn't mean that it isn't there & anyway he saved & gave me another life so I believe even if it makes me a nutcase.
Now what! Someone’s at the door & I guess I’m the one who has to open it!
I wonder who the hell it is this early in the morning.
12th September’11-10am
It was Mr. Pavilion & he started flirting with me as soon as I opened the door & because he was here the hotel sent the breakfast to our suit especially for him so I couldn’t listen to Uncle J’s songs (ok I know I can listen to them whenever but it feels much better when other people play them cause it means they’re remembering him which makes me happy). He’s still carrying out his gentlemen act but something tells me today his targets are my cousins because today most of the gifts he brought are for teens and his plan is working I guess, cause he has my cousin sister eating out of the palm of his hands (not literally).
12th September’11-3pm
We’re having lunch in our suit and no one has been able to go outside all day so everyone’s getting restless seeing as they all have some last minute shopping to do because we’ll be leaving the day after tomorrow.
B.T.W. Vietnamese food rocks! 
12th September’11-7pm
My mother trusts this guy too much. She’s leaving me with him alone. Because everyone’s been stuck inside the whole day they all wanna go out. I don’t wanna so Mr. Pavilion’s suppose to babysit me. I mean how stupid is that!
At this time of the day I’m extremely horny but how am I suppose to play with him in the same room? Wait a moment, this could actually work out. Maybe I’ll just play with him.
This should be fun!

12th September’11-7:30pm
OMG!
He actually got a hard on with just one lick. I was about to crank up so I quickly ran to the bathroom where I am right now. I left him erected wonder what he’ll do now?
Oh well it’s not like it has anything to do with me.
I think I’ll take a bath now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

13th September’11-12am
I lost my virginity. It just sorda happened.
After I came out of the bath I was very sleepy (and a little horny). When I got to the room he just looked at me & then just came and started to caress my hair. He softly kissed me and soon the kiss turned into a deep one & I just went with the flow.
The funniest part was afterwards when I just got up & freaked not cause I just lost my virginity but cause I was scared because my mom was going to return at any moment & if she saw the blood stains she’d freak!
But thank god for creating room service.
Mr. Pavilion was a bit disappointed with my reaction after losing my virginity (I have no idea how he even knew that) but he knew that was coming and anyway he had to play the perfect gentlemen in front of everyone & that meant this stain was a complete no-no so he quickly called the room service & got them to change the whole mattress & also tipped them extra to keep their mouth shut.
Soon everyone returned & they had absolutely no idea that something had happened.
I do feel a little guilty for hiding it from my mom but you know she’s the one who chose him to be my future husband so of Corse she thought we’d do it eventually. Guess we just did it a little faster than she expected.
Anyway it’s her fault for leaving two teens alone.
Puberty’s a bitch!
Thinking about it now’s making me even more horny.
Gotta go bye! 

13th September’11-7-30am
This morning I woke up to a horrible start cause when I opened my eyes the first thing I saw was Mr. Pavilion’s face who btw volunteered to wake me up (an excuse) while everyone else went for breakfast but instead of waking me up he kept staring at my face till I woke up on my own (creepy!). I knew I was running late so I quickly washed up & then Mr. Pavilion helped me change & that’s how I ended up here at the breakfast table.
P.S.
They’re not playing Uncle J’s music today  

13th September’11-9am
I am so going to buy those anime today!
Because tomorrow we’re leaving so if I don’t get those anime by today I’m goanna be so screwed. Last few days cause of Mr. Pavilion I’ve been so stuck all day that I almost forgot about my anime. If I don’t get to buy all of those anime then coming here will be of complete waste & the dollars that I saved for this very purpose will go to waste as well. And if they don’t take me I goanna go there myself even if I have to fight with everyone for it after all I’m the one who’ll pay.
But I don’t think that’s goanna happen cause everyone’s already preparing to go there now.  

13th September’11-12pm
I hate him! I hate him!
That idiot! cause of him I can’t go to the Pavilion now & also he expects me to meet his parents at such a short notice. He suddenly got a call before we were leaving & then he asked me to get ready cause his parents were in town which was very rare & I had to go & greet them. So now my mother’s making me play dress up & she’s goanna keep playing till she likes one.
The only reason why I can write right now is cause I’m taking a bathroom break.
God Help!

13th September’11-4pm
We’ve been driving for like 3 hours now & we’re still nowhere close to a house. I getting really tired & the fact the Uncle J & Mr. Pavilion are getting along so well isn’t helping either so I’ve decided to cut their conversation short and not tell Mr. Pavilion what Uncle J says.
I’m getting so tired sitting here like this. What the hell is he doing now?
He just drove into the woods.
Wait! We’re here.

13th September’11-6pm
Right now I’m sitting here in Mr. Pavilion’s room waiting for his dad to return home. Miss Helen’s (Mr. Pavilion’s mom) a very sweet person & we get along very well due to our similar dislike to Mr. Pavilion’s way of pursuing people (buying them off).
Though she pushes Mr. Pavilion around a lot (which is fun to watch cause it means that even the great Mr. Pavilion has someone he has to listen to) she seems like a good parent so I wonder why Mr. Pavilion has such rich kid issues?
Anyway why isn’t Mr. Pavilion’s dad home yet?!
The sooner he gets back the sooner I can greet him & leave.
He’s here…

13th September’11-7pm
Mr. Pavilion’s dad wasn’t as easygoing as his mom & couldn’t just start a conversation & there was even a time when Miss Helen & Mr. Pavilion left us alone in the same room & boy was that awkward!
He’s quiet the workaholic cause he soon left for work after greeting me. Thanks to that we could leave.
Is it just me or are we getting back faster than we got here?

13th September’11-7:30pm
Why does she always do this to me?!
She never keeps any of her promises. How the hell am I not suppose to have trust issues when my own mother always breaks my trust. I don’t even know why I try?
It’s useless anyways. She told me that if I go and meet Mr. Pavilion’s parents then she’d let me go but of Corse she lied. I’m getting sick of this!
Sometime I wish I had a stepmother rather than my real mother at least then I could’ve believed that my real mother was a nicer person!
I mean Uncle J is a better parent to me then she is at least he always keeps his promises unlike her!
I know it seems too much to cry over some anime but it isn’t about that it’s about my mother never keeping her word.
I should just stop crying it isn’t like even if I continued anybody would care. I’m such a fool for always wanting to believe in her words, serves me right!

13th September’11-10pm
I got my anime yay!
So while I stopped writing & started complaining to Uncle J Mr. Pavilion went to pursue my mother to let me go. Everyone was outside the whole day so they were all either sleeping or bathing. My mother was strictly against the idea of me going alone so she declined. Mr. Pavilion smoothly suggested that he could take me if mother allowed him to. If it was someone else mother would’ve never considered that but cause it was Mr. Pavilion whom she trusts blindly she agreed.
Mr. Pavilion then went to my room and started knocking on the bathroom door. I asked him what he wanted.
He said with a gentle voice that he waned me to stop crying.
I cleared my throat (cause I didn’t want him to know that I was crying. there are very few people in front of whom I cry but he is most definitely not one of ‘em) & denied that I was crying.
He played along he told me that mother gave him permission to take me to speedy.
I didn’t believe him. I told him mother would never do that & now my voice started to crack.
He confidently bragged ‘Do you think there is anything I can’t get if I just politely ask for it’
I never thought I’d say this but for the first time I was glad that Mr. Pavilion was such a smooth talker cause that meant that he was telling the truth.
He teased me ‘Even though your mother gave me permission to take you there she still put a curfew after 8pm so if you wanna go you better hurry or is it that you’d rather stay here and flirt with me through the bathroom room?’
Normally I would've replied with some sort of sarcastic comment but I was too grateful to do that so I just ignored him & came out of the bathroom. I argued with my mother a little & after that we finally went to the Pavilion. I waned to rush to speedy as soon as possible but Mr. Pavilion insisted we should get some supper first. I honestly didn’t wanna cause I had a late lunch with his mom & so I wasn’t hungry but Mr. Pavilion hadn't eaten anything since morning so I accepted his offer. While we were waiting for the food many girls stopped by and pretended to praise me just to get his attention but they miss took me for his younger sister so he kept glaring at them till they left. I was enjoying myself though cause my theory that Mr. Pavilion & I don’t look anything like a couple was being proved. We left soon after having our meal. Everything was normal till we reached the 1st floor (the food court was at the bottom floor). Each time we cross a shop the managers (you could tell they were the managers cause they were dressed differently from all the other workers) started acting strange. But it wasn’t till we reached speedy that I found out why. When we entered the store the manager whispered something to the workers & then they started treating us differently. I choose over 40 animas which they started packing as soon as I pointed at them. Soon they told me that they only took ringgits but I had only 40 ringgits on me & there wasn’t any shops where I could exchange my dollars for ringgits & there was no way I was taking money from Mr. Pavilion so I only chose 4 out of 40. I gave them the 40 ringgits I had but still they continued to pack. I told them I had no more ringgits. They told me its ok it’s just a small gift from the store. I was confused. I asked them why?
Of Corse it was simple they told me that it was to impress the owner of the mall. It was obvious but I guess I was too blind to see it or maybe I just didn’t wanna see it. If it were for someone else I would've never said no to this many free anime but because it was Mr. Pavilion I declined. I didn’t wanna owe him anything. Nothing should bind us to each other not even a simple debt. When I told this to Mr. Pavilion he just ignored me. He told the manager to keep packing so the manager continued. When I objected he just looked at me with a cold smile & said that it wasn’t for me it was for him so that he could figure out what was so important about this “anime” that I cried over it. I knew I hurt him I could sense it & this time it wasn’t even intentional. Afterwards he dropped me at the hotel & left without saying goodbye to anyone. He was in bad mood so I figure it was impossible for him to keep up his perfect gentleman act like this so he left.
My gramps’s calling me to help her pack so I guess I’ll write more tomorrow.
Night. 

14th September’11-6:30am
I know that its very early but we are suppose to leave for the airport at around 8am so everyone’s up early, getting ready, double checking everything, making sure they don’t leave anything behind & the same goes for me. I making sure I put all of my important stuff in my handbag so that even if we lose our suitcase I still have all of my precious stuff. Lets see if everything’s there.
 My 2 MJ umbrellas
 My 2 MJ biographies
 My anime DVDs
 My “Y” locket
 My dairy
It seems I have everything I need so I guess I’ll go and help the others out with their packing.

14th September’11-7am
Right now everyone’s having breakfast & I’m following my only 3 rule. If I continue like this & control my amount of food & not eat carbs then loosing 30kgs shouldn’t take that long. My Chinese (Thai) doctor will surly be pleased the next time I go for a checkup.
Lately I’ve noticed that I can’t really tell the difference between sweet & bitter. Though it’s a good thing for a pre-diabetic person like me it’s still very strange.
We’ll be leaving after breakfast so I wonder when Mr. Pavilion’s goanna come. I need to thank him for yesterday & also apologize cause Uncle J says so.
Why the hell is Mr. Pavilion such an irritating person anyway?
I mean he comes and bothers me every day when I don’t wanna even see his face but now that I actually need to tell him something he’s late.
He’s so bothersome really!
It’s all Uncle J fault for making me feel so guilty & now if I leave without thanking & apologizing to Mr. Pavilion I won’t be able to sleep awhile (my weird habit thanks to Uncle J)   
I already finished my breakfast & soon everyone’s goanna finish theirs. Why isn’t he here yet?!
I so hate my habit of repenting after hurting someone.
Speak of the devil he’s goanna live till he’s a hundred years old (it’s a superstation in our country that if you’re talking about someone & that someone pops out of nowhere at that time it is said that that person will live for a hundred years).
I should probably go and get this over with.